DR ORAL PAVLOV RETURNS FROM HIS TRIUMPHANT NORTH KOREAN VISIT
Dr Oral Pavlov, the esteemed director of the prestigious Betty Ford Institute For The Criminally Insane, returned Sunday from his extraordinary visit to the Peoples Democratic Republic Of North Korea..
“The admiration that these happy, hard working citizens showed to their Dear Leader touched my heart and set an example that the people of America could well learn”, Dr Pavlov exclaimed to the throng of jubilant reporters that greeted him upon arrival. Pointing to his shirt with Kim Jong-un’s picture proudly emblazoned on the front, he also declared, “I will not remove this sacred tunic until the war on depression is defeated”. He later clarified that statement by saying it referred to America, and not North Korea where he could detect no signs of that dreaded disease
It was a busy and productive visit for the tireless crusader for the criminally insane challenged. A tour of the Luon Doung missile complex was highlighted with a display of the latest nuclear weapons that looked like gaily decorated basketballs and was followed with a banquet featuring the world famous cuisine that is a hallmark of North Korean society “Indeed”, the Dear Leader exclaimed, “This is the same feast all of our citizens are now enjoying at their own bountiful tables.”. Entertainment was provided by the Big Leap For Victory marching band comprised of 30,000 pre-teen girls in a dazzling dancing display of stylish synchronicity.
Not all was fun and games. A visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Relative found the Dear Leader in a solemn and somber mood. “I was touched by his humility, his humanity and obvious love for his country” stated an emotional Dr. Pavlov. Business opportunities were also discussed concerning the growing pharmaceutical industry in this progressive country. Accompanying the trip was Mr Tom Morino, Dr Pavlov’s longtime friend and confidant, who was recently appointed AstraZeneca’s Vice- President of Global Markets For Depression. What is described as the new Magna Carta for the treatment of the criminally insane challenged was also signed. Commenting on this momentous moment, Mr Molino proclaimed, ” Now America can benefit from North Korea’s years of research and treatment for the criminally insane challenged.”
The crowning moment in this epic visit was the announcement by these two great humanitarians during their meeting in the Biggest Hall Of Freedom when a new pact between the two countries was signed. The Protocols Of Proper Mental Hygiene will bring a new world of peace and prosperity and friendship between the two countries. “Much work needs to be done”,, the smiling Dear Leader declared. “Looking ahead to 2020, a foreign exchange leader program is in the planning stage and compulsory fashion classes for our young ladies will be taught by the most lovely and well-formed Ivanka if she can work it into her schedule. I am so happy that Ivanka has generously offered to sell her complete line of cosmetics, shampoos, unguents, salves, and lotions which will add to the glory of our already beautiful women”..
Returning from his victorious visit the good doctor felt happy and content to be home to his beloved Institute and the awaiting residents who feted him with a coming home party and a tour of the newly expanded pet crematorium. ” I love trotting the globe and fulfilling my destiny as a great crusader for proper mental hygiene, but my heart will always be beating for the criminally insane challenged” a joyful Dr. Pavlov exclaimed.
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