NNN PRESENTS A TELEVISION SPECIAL PRESENTATION

YOUR CHILD’S HAPPINESS FROM A TO Z”
9PM on Fox


Today’s parents face a terrifying environment in order to create a happy child safe from the scourge of mental illness and depression. Drug addicted teachers, gun toting gangs, a political system gone mad with regulation and taxes are just a few of the perils that hinder the development of our children from becoming well adjusted and contented consumers.  In NNN’s five part series, “Your Child’s Happiness From A to Z”, proudly sponsored by AstraZeneca, the company that cares about your child’s mental health and well-being, we will explore how parents can utilize new and revolutionary techniques to cure the ills of our techno obsessed society and its satanic influence over our children’s delicate minds.

Dr Oral Pavlov, NNN’s health and education consultant highly recommends the series; “I had the opportunity to view a pre-release of this vital broadcast and I can say that if the criminally insane watched this series over 98% of school shootings would never had happened. I may also add that Miley Cyrus did an outstanding job in her first dramatic role portraying a child psychiatrist.”

“HOW TO PLAY WITH TOYS”
NNN’s first installment will air Friday at 9 Pm on Fox.

Parents, when your child opens that special birthday gift does he just stare into space with that all too familiar disturbed look? Does she spend hours in creating inappropriate games and doesn’t learn anything? Does he waste endless hours with miniature cars and trucks while making crashing sounds and other obscene noises? These are sure signs that your child will grow up to be a worthless and unhappy daydreamer facing a future of poverty, mental illness and depression. Or worse!

“How To Play With Toys” will teach you how to guide your child’s creativity and  imagination in a goal directed process with the approved method of reward and penalties designed by child development experts at our Nation’s leading behavioral clinics. Imagine how proud you will be when your child’s Facebook page will be the envy of the neighborhood! If you truly love your child then you won’t miss this special presentation.

******* SPECIAL OFFER FROM NNN *******

Now your child can own their very own DIGITAL BUILDING BLOCKS! This set of three building blocks will accelerate his IQ while infusing his brain with mind numbing ingenuity. Each block is made from Detactilnite*, a revolutionary substance that eliminates the bothersome “funny feeling” that kids get from wooden, snot-encrusted blocks. She will delight in the weightless, empty feeling that Digital Blocks provide and they are so easy to clean. Your pre-schooled will be amazed as the blocks morph into different shapes right before their eyes. Round, triangle, even capsule shape will delight your young scientist!
But that’s not all these blocks can do! The metric system is taught in a fun way and soon your child will instantly learn how to compute kilograms, grams, milligrams  and micrograms displayed on its built in high resolution screen. You will be amazed at how quickly your little man or little lady will learn the meaning and proper intervals of one, two, three times a day! So order yours now and give your child the head start they deserve. Operators are standing by.
*Detactilnite is a trademark of Monsanto Industrial  Polymers”

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BREAKING NEWS: GOD DOWNGRADES AMERICA AS A CHRISTIAN NATION

“The Burning Pulpit”
Your Source For Spiritual And Temporal Abundance

S&P First, God Seocnd
In an unexpected development God has downgraded His rating of America as a Christian nation. God’s official spokesman, the Very Right Rev. Helmut Krakoefen who is the former pastor of First Third Utilitarian Church and who now has assumed the role of Grand  Chaplain Eighth Degree for the National Organization Of Moral Certitude, LLC. made the announcement today while attending to his duties as spiritual advisor for the Second Annual Miley Cyrus Look-Alike Contest held in Atlantic City. Noting the severe decline in this Nation‘s moral underpinning the reverend pontificated, “Actually I saw this coming”. The stern faced religious leader known as a strict disciplinarian among his followers also stated “It began after this last presidential election. The numbers of people not working has risen dramatically which is an unmistakable indication that God feels that people are not listening to His message of earthly abundance and are instead just waiting to die. In fact, people have even quit paying their tithes” the distraught preacher added, his eyes filling with tears.

A national day of prayer for God’s forgiveness and a higher rating will be held on August 20.

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NNN EXPRESS OBITUARY: MR WHIPPE GOES OFF THE AIR


Mr Whipple, the cantankerous but lovable shill for Charmin bathroom tissue passed away Friday from a long and courageous battle with rectal cancer.  Whipple popularized the cry, “Don’t squeeze my Charmin” that rang out in every bathroom and bedroom in America.  The many accolades include a touching tribute from the National Board For Colonic Hydrotherapy headquartered in Whitewater, Oregon. The board’s director, a tearful Bogdan Kabul, announced that a 20 foot likeness of Mr Whipple  will be added to “The Fountains Of Colonic Bliss” a monument to honor the heroes of intestinal health.

In a prepared statement Mr Whipple’s oldest and dearest friend, Dr Oral Pavlov had this to say: “He was a pioneer of proper mental hygiene and he realized the importance of the mind- body connection of brain to anus and the necessity of keeping both of these areas clean has been forever imprinted on the minds of freedom-loving Americans.” A private funeral service will be held Tuesday. Memorials are suggested to the Congressional Lobby For Clean Colons.

NNN AFFIRMATION

“trust thee not the blind man who wears glasses”
N. Copernicus

An investigator knows the truth, figures out any http://phonetrackingapps.com issues that are impacting our children, and gets to the bottom of it

NNN SCOREBOARD: PACKER ROOKIE WANTS TO BE “THE NEW FACE OF BPD”

NNN  PRESENTS THE SCOREBOARD!
A Confidential Inside look Into Your Favorite Team

PACKER ROOKIE WANTS TO BE “THE NEW FACE OF BPD”
Rookie Green Bay Packer linebacker Robert “Chipper’ Huffer announced at a press conference held today at the Packer training camp that he wants to be the new spokesman for BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder.  According to the DSM, a manual listing 3,000 types of mental disorders recognized by psychiatrists, borderline personality disorder is marked by intense anger, impulsiveness, and tumultuous interpersonal relationships. Mike McCarthy, Packer head coach stated at the news conference that he is behind Chipper 120 or as high as 160%. “The discipline, camaraderie and unconditional love of our fans that is a hallmark of the Packers will work wonders in Chipper’s development as a person and player“ . The Packer rookie made this revelation at the conference, “I just don’t want to be the world’s greatest football player, I already am, I want to contribute to my community and devote my spare time in educating the masses that I have BPD and if I am miss-understood  then that would be due to their ignorance and not my fault.”  All of Packerland will be cheering for this courageous warrior of mental disease on the hallowed battlefield of Lombardi Stadium come this September.

This just in;
In an unrelated development in Packerland, the investigation by Green Bay police into the disappearance of tight end Carson Deitweiller, the Packer’s pro bowl veteran, has determined that Deitweiller was last seen Saturday evening at the Penalty Box, a downtown Green Bay adult toy store that the popular tight-end frequented. When he failed to return to camp, Chipper Huffer, his roommate at the training camp reported him missing Sunday morning.  Joe Mengele, Jr, the Packer team physician comments, “Lets not panic, Carson tends to be a little forgetful what with his attention deficit disorder. Perhaps the 12 mild concussions he sustained last year may  be a contributing factor but lets not jump to any conclusions before we adjust his meds“.

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