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PACKER ROOKIE WANTS TO BE “THE NEW FACE OF BPD”
Rookie Green Bay Packer linebacker Robert “Chipper’ Huffer announced at a press conference held today at the Packer training camp that he wants to be the new spokesman for BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. According to the DSM, a manual listing 3,000 types of mental disorders recognized by psychiatrists, borderline personality disorder is marked by intense anger, impulsiveness, and tumultuous interpersonal relationships. Mike McCarthy, Packer head coach stated at the news conference that he is behind Chipper 120 or as high as 160%. “The discipline, camaraderie and unconditional love of our fans that is a hallmark of the Packers will work wonders in Chipper’s development as a person and player“ . The Packer rookie made this revelation at the conference, “I just don’t want to be the world’s greatest football player, I already am, I want to contribute to my community and devote my spare time in educating the masses that I have BPD and if I am miss-understood then that would be due to their ignorance and not my fault.” All of Packerland will be cheering for this courageous warrior of mental disease on the hallowed battlefield of Lombardi Stadium come this September.
This just in;
In an unrelated development in Packerland, the investigation by Green Bay police into the disappearance of tight end Carson Deitweiller, the Packer’s pro bowl veteran, has determined that Deitweiller was last seen Saturday evening at the Penalty Box, a downtown Green Bay adult toy store that the popular tight-end frequented. When he failed to return to camp, Chipper Huffer, his roommate at the training camp reported him missing Sunday morning. Joe Mengele, Jr, the Packer team physician comments, “Lets not panic, Carson tends to be a little forgetful what with his attention deficit disorder. Perhaps the 12 mild concussions he sustained last year may be a contributing factor but lets not jump to any conclusions before we adjust his meds“.