In an inspiring display of religious and secular cooperation, the Roman Catholic Church and Sandia National Laboratory announced a joint effort to construct a national cathedral  in the shape of a ballistic missile which  will rise from the Trinity National Monument the site of the world’s first atomic detonation in Alamogordo, New Mexico.  Funded by Boeing Aerospace, General Dynamics and contributions of the Catholic faithful, the 500 foot tall edifice will resemble a minute-man missile adorned with a fifty foot cross and illuminated by a gigantic 980, 000 watt strobe which will blast a pulse of light every 60 minutes illuminating the cathedral and making it visible for over 200 miles. To be christened Saint Tellermus which honors the patron saint of physicists, plans call for an atomic/Christian theme park set in a replica of the Holy Land featuring the world’s largest heavy water slide and a massive gift shop  with a selection of over three hundred saints that all glow in the dark.
Paul Hammert, president and director of Sandia and affectionately known as “The Pope’ among his co-workers, stated at today’s press conference, “We welcome the Catholic Church to the Nuclear Club and are pleased to be able to offer our expertise and spiritual advice for this glorious temple. Its about time the Catholic Church gave up its infatuation with helping the world‘s hopelessly poor and got on the corporate job creating bandwagon. As for Sandia, we will do our share in banishing all forms of contraception because we have always respected the sanctity of life as taught to us by the Holy Father.”
Church spokesman Cardinal J Byrd explained there are even more sacred ramifications to this union; “Sandia is home to the world’s first and third fastest computers- far ahead of what those eunuchs use at the Large Hadron Collider making us more  qualified to find this “god particle“ and together with Sandia find something profitable for it.”
Divinity Memorial Construction, a division of Halliburton Industries will be the site’s prime contractor.

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  1. Will there be adequate housing for my congregation? Is circumsion required? We would like to visit on Christmas Day if at all possible. Thank you. Rev Ike

    • Yes, circumcision is requite red. In fact, over 98% of circumcisions are not performed correctly. We will re-circumcise your church members at no charge and we have residents who are trained in this area who will eagerly serve your congregants in this sacred duty. Christmas Day is an excellent time to visit. See you then!

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