The Betty Ford Institute for the Criminally Insane and with the support of their friends at AstraZeneca and DuPont Industrial Solvents and Pharmaceuticals, has introduced a program to change the lives of the criminally insane challenged. This revolutionary pharma/social experiment will release one of our trusted residents into society where he will find his way into being a productive member of humanity. Spiritually fortified with the wisdom and learning experiences gained after years of expert institutional care, he will demonstrate his ability to navigate life with suitable antidepressants and without the encumbrances of authority,  supervision, counsel or other needless interferences. After a spirited contest which all the residents participated, Heaton Moon has been selected as the lucky winner. Heaton is a person of many accomplishments. He made the Institute his home shortly after being awarded the door-to-door salesman of the year by his proud employer, the Gotzu Cutlery Company of Singapore, and at the institute he was honored as the “Test Pilot Of The Year’ for his enthusiastic participation is over 980 drug trials. Another accolade was his fourth place award for the “Thomas Elvin Edison Electrical Pioneer Certificate” for being administered 98 electro shock treatments. Heaton, who began his literary career in first grade by writing on rest room walls, will be chronicling his adventures on  NNN with his column, “ScotchGuarding* The Fabric Of Society“. What really impresses me is his infectious, happy attitude that is evident in his writing. Here is a sample that took third place in our recent poetry contest:
Thoughts of my future
Recalled from the past
Like living in a house
With unwanted guests
Upon a hill overlooking
The valley of death
Bones crack like thunder

I am sure we all wish Heaton the best of luck as a new, freedom-loving American and with more luck you may even
meet him in your own neighborhood.
Wishing you the best in your practice of proper mental hygiene, I remains, Dr Oral Pavlov, the Director
*Copyright 3M Corp.

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