The Neutronic News Network presents an honest, fact-based reportage of news vital to our proud nation. Unencumbered by any influence of politics, religion, advertising obligations or other agendas, the reader attains a feeling of revelation akin to an endorphin released ecstasy. Armed with this knowledge and fortified with the proper medication, depression and other mental nuisances becomes a bygone memory replaced with a feeling of euphoric knowledge.  NNN is produced  by the residents of the Betty Ford Institute For The Criminally Insane who are solely responsible for its contents.

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  1. Dear Dr. Pavlov, I have been searching for happiness all my life. I am fourteen years of age and am not happy. Are the drugs at the Institute safe for young people my age? My parents are not home so it is ok to call on my home phone. Thank you in advance, Jackie Ford.

    • Dear Jackie:
      In my forty years as director of this prestigious institute I can affirm that the criminally insane challenged have endured the same unhappy and unjust era of their teen years in the same way that you are now experiencing; parents that make stupid rules, have the same dislike for your friends who they term “drug addled perverts” and a pervading resentment of your youth fueled by their own jealousy and unhappiness. And your teachers? They are nothing but hormone-depleted chronic masturbaters who plot to turn you into like-minded psychopaths and are planning your failure as this is being written. Hopeless? Not if you place your trust in proper mental hygiene and a suitable antidepressant. Jackie, I have great news for you! I am sending you information from a leading pharmaceutical concern that really cares about you.You will find a list of approved doctors who utilize the Pavascope and other diagnostic tools to find the correct antidepressant for you. Be sure to keep this vital information from your parents when you make an appointment and be sure to bring cash to your office visit. Wishing you the best in your practice of proper mental hygiene I remains, Dr Oral Pavlov,the Director

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