The Neutronic News Network presents an honest, fact-based reportage of news vital to our proud nation. Unencumbered by any influence of politics, religion, advertising obligations or other agendas, the reader attains a feeling of revelation akin to an endorphin released ecstasy. Armed with this knowledge and fortified with the proper medication, depression and other mental nuisances becomes a bygone memory replaced with a feeling of euphoric knowledge.  NNN is produced  by the residents of the Betty Ford Institute For The Criminally Insane who are solely responsible for its contents.

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  1. Dear Dr. Pavlov, I have been searching for happiness all my life. I am fourteen years of age and am not happy. Are the drugs at the Institute safe for young people my age? My parents are not home so it is ok to call on my home phone. Thank you in advance, Jackie Ford.

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