Making friends with people from different countries and cultures can open your child’s mind to a new sense of wonder and curiosity about the world while stimulating their imagination and promoting proper mental hygiene. It also becomes a valuable asset in the world of business as they become more familiar with the different people that comprise our ever expanding global economy. For children who are shy, do not easily make friends and are somewhat withdrawn, a pen pal may be the key that unlocks their closed mind opening it to new ways of dealing with society and forming a bond with their pen pal that may result in a life changing experience. The Betty Ford Institute For The Criminally Insane is proud to announce our “Pal From The Pen” program where your child can now find a new friend with one of our trained and qualified residents (some who were even former pen pals). They will share their life experiences and act as a guide and mentor. No longer will your child feel unwanted but proud to have a new friend who he can now share secrets and private thoughts that he would never share with his friends or parents.
For the last 12 semesters the Clayton Public schools have offered gun training and safety classes for ages 5 to 12. The response has been overwhelming as 80% of 6 to 10 year old students know now to handle their weapons in a responsible manner. Due to popular demand from our parents and with the generous contribution of Taurus Arms, it it now possible for the students to graduate to a new program which will emphasize large caliber machine guns, and other heavy weapons. Even greater news is that the US Army surplus has donated 3 refurbished Abrams M1 heavy tanks that will be offered at no charge to high school students. Imagine the proud look of our parents when these tanks lead the next homecoming parade! Principal Angus Rotwelier had these comments at a press conference this afternoon “This training program is more than just shooting heavy weapons. Military style drills, uniforms designed by The GAP,the latest in night vision goggles, communication devices and techniques such as fire and movement will form new friendships as these young cadets work together to deter any threat to our citizens.. Most importantly our youth will be taught to follow orders. Obedience is our number one goal. Asked by a liberal reporter if this is a reaction to the thugs and lawbreakers from neighboring cities like Ferguson who have threatened to burn the town to the ground, school board president John Tate emphatically replied, “No”. When you clear the checkpoints and visit Clayton you will see many minorities working at the Wal Mart, McDonalds and many other places of employment. The only requirement is that they have no criminal record, and pass the weekly drug test which is all recorded on a special card they carry.in case they get lost while leaving he city after curfew. Diversity is highly valued in the city as witnessed by the three families from Mexico who have a thriving lawn cutting service.” Wishing you a Happy Holiday and that people stay where they are”
“some people insist on carrying their own personal torture machine” Rev. Robert Sims, Pastor, Bethesda Missionary Baptist Church
The editor of our health and fashion features, Dr Oral Pavlov, is the esteemed director of the prestigious Betty Ford Institute For the Criminally Insane and a leader in our nation’s sacred war on depression. A tireless promoter of proper mental hygiene, he is a Julliard trained phrenologist and the author of 24 books. He has recently written “Craniometry For Dummies” which is predicted to revolutionize the treatment of the criminally insane challenged. He is on the board of directors for AstraZeneca and is the spiritual adviser for the Guantanamo Penal Colony.