To comment on this vital issue we have conducted an exclusive interview with Dr Herman Kahn, Jr.  the noted and respected author, lecturer and military and financial affairs consultant to the Neutronic News Network.

NNN: Dr Kahn, let me congratulate you on your appointment to the post of Spiritual Advisor for Sandia National Laboratory.  You must be quite busy with your philanthropic endeavors along with your board positions at Raytheon, British Petroleum, and many others. Which relationship do you most enjoy and how does it relate to our nation’s well being?
Dr Kahn: I would say my work with REDACTED is the most rewarding.  I have never met a group of gentlemen and one colored woman who have such passion fueled with an unshakeable faith in our freedom to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and amass 30% of our gross domestic  product.  They are an inspiration for every American. Our nation should feel secure that our entire financial system is in their hands.
NNN: A few disgruntled Americans feel that employment is our number one problem. Do you have any solutions?
Dr Kahn: Lets use an example. Say there is a family of five whose father is in his forties and was dismissed from his job of ten years working in the manufacturing sector. He blames his problem on his company moving to Bolivia. It’s a fact that 98% of the unemployed are drug addicts, drunks or harbor un-American feelings of despair. With a workforce like that, how can you blame companies that move to a different country where the natives are happy to work for peanuts ? When you consider the cost of moving and the expense of jet fuel for the executive commute, our corporations actually lose money. I would say to the that father of five, go back to school and get a degree and quit complaining. This is a land that immigrants built so if you don’t like it here, pack it up and go.

NNN;  Is our new health plan benefiting the average American?
Dr Kahn;  Health care costs the average family 20% of their income. Common sense would tell us if people were not as sick they would spend less. Obviously, they are that sick so why change a system that makes them well? I recently attended a symposium  in Bangkok sponsored by Astra-Zeneca which is a company known for their concern for the mentally ill. The keynote speaker, Dr Oral Pavlov, gave a remarkable lecture. With the aid of a three dimensional, multi-colored power point presentation he proved, conclusively I may add, that 98% of mental maladies have yet to be discovered.  Why reform a health care system that is protecting our loved ones from mental disorders waiting to be discovered? How are pharmaceutical companies able to rush these life changing medicines to the awaiting public without spending dollars on print and television advertising? Yes, there is some waste but this is due to government regulation. If we would eliminate government meddling such as redundant drug trials, malpractice lawsuits, patent expiration, and other nonsense we would have more research. The good news is that 98 new medicines for  as yet  un-defined disorders  will be available as soon as our physicians can be educated on their use.  This will also add many new jobs because brochures must be printed and educational DVDs must be produced along with the necessary pens, wall clocks, rectal thermometers, charts and other useful items to adorn your family physician’s office. Never has a country felt so good about being sick.

NNN A few people believe that our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are a waste of money and create more terrorists. Are these wars really necessary?
Dr Kahn: First, a correction. The war in Iraq is over and we won. The 50,000 Americans still there are advisors, not soldiers. They help the peace loving citizens of Iraq arrest insurgents, dissidents, protestors and other trouble makers who are against democracy.  98% of Iraq’s people, the ones that are alive anyway, are thankful for our involvement and look forward to the rebuilding of their homes sacrificed on the alter of freedom.  The peace mission in Afghanistan is more difficult for the average American to understand. Consider that this country has been at war since it existed. No wonder it has taken us longer than ten years to educate these people that our culture is superior and once  they agree with us I am sure they will have their own Fox News franchise entertaining them on their big screen televisions.

NNN: Dr Kahn, your father was the architect of the Single Integrated Operational Plan and wrote ‘Winning A Thermonuclear War’ among others. You have picked up the mantle of our nation’s defense.  Are we safer today than the days of the cold war?
Dr Kahn:  Yes but we are still threatened by some of our very own citizens who refuse to do what they are told. Our nation’s policy of Nuclear Incineration can be understood only by people who have years of military experience. The insights earned by our generals, admirals, and the heads of the defense industry  have created a plan to insure victory if war threatens our country. They also know how to deal with troublemakers. I would suggest that my fellow Americans put their faith in this policy and enjoy the endless servings of  culture, sports, and other offerings of entertainment that is the hallmark of this abundant nation and let the experts worry about the collapse of society or inadvertent  or misguided nuclear detonations.  I would also like to mention that “nuclear” is pronounced, “new-clear” and that writing or thinking about radiation or fission fragments does not damage a person’s genes or contaminate  their vital bodily fluids. However, I do feel strongly that images of naked bodies, particularly those of Mily Cyrus, causes an implosion of the brain’s hemispheres releasing thoughts that turn into poisonous insects.

NNN: The huge majority of our citizens have voted out the fascist liberals who have contaminated the halls of congress. What is your unbiased assessment of this remarkable display of democracy?
Dr Kahn: In the interest of fairness I must state that I am not a politician so I don’t know. However, I can assure my fellow Americans that it really doesn’t’ matter. Our country is in the safe hands of capable leaders who have a firm hold on the handles of power and won’t let our freedoms be corrupted.

NNN Dr Kahn, thank you for your insights and practical solutions for our concerns.
Dr Kahn; You are welcome and lets just remember to use a little common sense in solving these problems. Or, just ignore them and they will go away.

Now you and your family can enjoy their very own DOOMSDAY CLOCK!*

This fine precision instrument is more than a timepiece! You can now predict not only  how the world will end but also when.  Select from End-time prophecy, Mayan calendar, roving drug gangs, liberals, your favorite astrologer or stock broker, environmental catastrophe, asteroids, plagues, frogs, insects, floods, famine, earthquakes, electrical failure,  or the Weather Channel. Imagine the fun your family will have gathering around this great conversation piece.
Why not order one for every room.  The genuine quartz  movement is guaranteed for life and is shock resistant.
But you must order now. Before its too late. Operators are standing by.  Batteries not included.
*copyright Bulletin Of the Atomic Scientists”

Sometimes, being a parent means a healthy dose of tough love