NNN CRIME WATCH HOMELESS MEN ARRESTED
Sunday 9 PM NNN has learned that 12 homeless men have been arrested following a disturbance at the Save Darfur Celebrity Ball. New York City police officer, Reginald Dickey, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was drunk at the time, stated the troublemakers were arrested for obstructing a public sidewalk when a limousine was unable to discharge its two passengers in a timely fashion. One of the passengers, a shaken and distraught Mrs. Oliver Cromwell, 87 from East Hampton explains, “I was terrified to exit my carriage with these shabbily dressed criminals in my presence. My Yorki was petrified.”
The other passenger who described himself as a friend of Ms Cromwell, Angus Pectakowski, a 23 year old body-builder from Brooklyn, came to her defense by putting three of the men in a choke hold until a police swat team arrived. “The sad part of this whole ordeal”, Mr Pectakowski stated, “is in the struggle with these maniacs I broke a bottle of Othello Spaghetti sauce so I was one item short of the six canned food items needed to donate and gain admission. It wrecked my whole evening”. The celebrity ball, the highlight of New York’s social scene , is sponsored by AstraZeneneca and the donations will be used to send much need ant-depressants to Darfur. Unable to post the $100,000 bond the 12 men will remain in custody. Their trial date has been set as sometime next year.