Both are now dead

The meaning of this has not been determined

Parents must act as an investigator with their children


Mr Whipple, the cantankerous but lovable shill for Charmin bathroom tissue passed away Friday from a long and courageous battle with rectal cancer.  Whipple popularized the cry, “Don’t squeeze my Charmin” that rang out in every bathroom and bedroom in America.  The many accolades include a touching tribute from the National Board For Colonic Hydrotherapy headquartered in Whitewater, Oregon. The board’s director, a tearful Bogdan Kabul, announced that a 20 foot likeness of Mr Whipple  will be added to “The Fountains Of Colonic Bliss” a monument to honor the heroes of intestinal health.

In a prepared statement Mr Whipple’s oldest and dearest friend, Dr Oral Pavlov had this to say: “He was a pioneer of proper mental hygiene and he realized the importance of the mind- body connection of brain to anus and the necessity of keeping both of these areas clean has been forever imprinted on the minds of freedom-loving Americans.” A private funeral service will be held Tuesday. Memorials are suggested to the Congressional Lobby For Clean Colons.