“The Burning Pulpit”
Your Source For Spiritual And Temporal Abundance
In an unexpected development God has downgraded His rating of America as a Christian nation. God’s official spokesman, the Very Right Rev. Helmut Krakoefen who is the former pastor of First Third Utilitarian Church and who now has assumed the role of Grand Chaplain Eighth Degree for the National Organization Of Moral Certitude, LLC. made the announcement today while attending to his duties as spiritual advisor for the Second Annual Miley Cyrus Look-Alike Contest held in Atlantic City. Noting the severe decline in this Nation‘s moral underpinning the reverend pontificated, “Actually I saw this coming”. The stern faced religious leader known as a strict disciplinarian among his followers also stated “It began after this last presidential election. The numbers of people not working has risen dramatically which is an unmistakable indication that God feels that people are not listening to His message of earthly abundance and are instead just waiting to die. In fact, people have even quit paying their tithes” the distraught preacher added, his eyes filling with tears.
A national day of prayer for God’s forgiveness and a higher rating will be held on August 20.