Colonel Qaddafi’s mummified grandmother has been airlifted to the United States for treatment of burns she sustained in a brutal attack by criminal rebel insurgents
the elected president of this embattled democracy, Colonel Moammar Qaddafi declared today. The beloved leader, his face contorted in grief also stated, “Only the skill and care of Dr Pavlov and his dedicated team can restore my grandmother to her former splendor. On behalf of the free people of Libya I will do everything possible to save my courageous mummy.”
Dr Oral Pavlov reached at the Betty Ford Institute Of The Criminally Insane where the mummy arrived late this evening has pledged that all the skills of his resident students will be personally supervised by him  and will attain the goal of refurbishing the mummy to its past glory. “In all my forty years of treating and curing the criminally insane I have never witnessed a crime as heinous as the one vested upon this charming lady mummy” the angry director stated. He added, “To all you naysayer of liberal drivel I can assure you the Colonel, my friend of forty years, will be returning to his homeland to defeat these fascist stooges when the mummy is well and he has finished lecturing the inmates on the importance of obedience and discipline.”
The institute, famous for its pioneering work in facial surgery, will also give the mummy the countenance of Mily Cyrus.
Meanwhile, the citizens of Libya await the return of the mummy.

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