NNN EXPRESS OBITUARY: MR WHIPPE GOES OFF THE AIR


Mr Whipple, the cantankerous but lovable shill for Charmin bathroom tissue passed away Friday from a long and courageous battle with rectal cancer.  Whipple popularized the cry, “Don’t squeeze my Charmin” that rang out in every bathroom and bedroom in America.  The many accolades include a touching tribute from the National Board For Colonic Hydrotherapy headquartered in Whitewater, Oregon. The board’s director, a tearful Bogdan Kabul, announced that a 20 foot likeness of Mr Whipple  will be added to “The Fountains Of Colonic Bliss” a monument to honor the heroes of intestinal health.

In a prepared statement Mr Whipple’s oldest and dearest friend, Dr Oral Pavlov had this to say: “He was a pioneer of proper mental hygiene and he realized the importance of the mind- body connection of brain to anus and the necessity of keeping both of these areas clean has been forever imprinted on the minds of freedom-loving Americans.” A private funeral service will be held Tuesday. Memorials are suggested to the Congressional Lobby For Clean Colons.